Personally I’ve outcasted myself…only when it comes to family. But I am an outcast when compared to most people. I’m different, I see different, I’ve never really met someone like like me. I always wondered, at first, if there was something wrong with me or did I have to change who I was in order to fit in? That wasn’t clever thinking, it wasn’t okay to think that I needed to change who I was. You shouldn’t have to change who you are, what makes you,you, in order to fit in with whatever crowd it may be. You know it’s hard finding people like you, finding people or a group of people that get you. I’ve learned that the hard way. I attended a party where everyone was smoking and vaping and for me, I hate that stuff so, so, so much that I’d be willing to drop people out of my life if they ever did that. But you see, nowadays im told that everyone anywhere you go, vape or smoke. And accepting that-well having to accept that sucks bc how can someone like me hate something so much have to deal with it all around you. At the party I had to fight through being there, for my friends(boyfriend and sister). Breathing in the toxins that flowed through the air. It sickened me there was nothing that I could possibly do. I could leave but then I’d be taking away the fun my sister and boyfriend had wanted, I don’t want to take away happiness from other people, that’s messed up. Anyways, we left and once we got back to our house, I balled my eyes out. I had never been so unhappy, so angry, so done with being the only person that felt this way. I felt utterly alone, like I was the outcast. A few days later I learned that even though I may be an outcast it makes me, me. I don’t want to be the same as other people, I want and like to be different because that’s what makes me different from all the rest. It makes me unique. Im not going to let this dredging feel take the best of me away, then it would be taking all of me, and I don’t want that for myself. It’s still a challenge to get used to yet accept, but it’s worth it.

In a different scenario like my family for example. I’m completely different and that is because I want to be nothing like them. I want to build myself I want to build something much better. I thank them, but also mad because first, they made me realize that I can and will be a better person than any of them could’ve been, and secondly I’m mad because no one seems to realize my accomplishments, no one sees me, no one is like me. Sometimes I think to myself why I’m mad at them for not being slightly the same as me? but then that would be selfish. I’ve learned that you can’t always fix yourself in any way shape or form in order to fit in. Because once you do you lose apart of yourself and then you make a huge mistake that you cannot take back, later on you’ll realize and think to yourself” how could I be so stupid?” In order to prevent things from getting worse, more than it was, take a moment and look at yourself, see what you want to see and make it happen. To not make yourself feel guilty and upset over changing yourself in order to fit in, realize that you shouldn’t have to change yourself. Realize that you are amazing just the way you are. Know that you are different and there’s no shame in being it.

Published By: Ariana N.B.